


I'm a garbage truck

by hapakitsune



Category: Scott Pilgrim - Fandom, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-25
Updated: 2010-08-25
Packaged: 2017-11-10 20:24:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/470327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hapakitsune/pseuds/hapakitsune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times it was awkward for Wallace and Scott to share a bed and one time it was kind of nice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm a garbage truck

**Author's Note:**

> Four times it was awkward for Wallace and Scott to share a bed and one time it was kind of nice.

1\. Scott Pilgrim wakes up to the feeling of a hand settling over his penis. His eyes fly open and he says in a slightly high-pitched voice, “There is a hand on my penis.”

Wallace snuffles wetly into the back of Scott’s neck and mutters, “What? What’s going on, Jimmy?”

“Wallace,” Scott says, louder this time. He thinks he’s doing a pretty good job of staying calm, all things considered. “Your hand is on my penis.”

Wallace hooks his chin over Scott’s shoulder and hums, “Uh-huh,” and tightens his grip a little. Scott’s breathing goes funny.

“Wallace!” he squeaks. “This is Scott, not Other Scott! Scott Pilgrim! And your hand _is on my penis_!” He flails a little to make his point and Wallace makes the weird little noise he makes when he’s waking up in the morning. Then he freezes against Scott’s back and there’s a very pregnant silence.

Then, “Oh my god, my hand is on your penis!” shouts Wallace, leaping from the mattress to standing position in one smooth motion. Scott is impressed. “I’m going to get straight boy VD!” He shakes off his hand and then runs to the sink. Scott sits upright and wonders if he should be insulted that Wallace is scrubbing his hands with antibacterial soap.

He dings from not offended to totally offended when Wallace turns on the hot water. “It’s not like I am diseased,” he protests. “I haven’t even had sex in like –” He stops his train of thought and Wallace looks over, somewhat remorseful. Scott’s get some meter is sadly depleted.

“Oh, Scott,” he says with a sigh. He turns off the water and shakes off his hand. “You need to get laid.”

Scott looks down at his vaguely excited dick. “Yeah,” he agrees. “Even getting groped by you kinda felt good.”

Wallace gives him sarcastic thumbs up. “Thanks for that, Scott,” he says. “I appreciate it.”

 

2\. “I am drunk!” Wallace announces, flinging himself onto the bed. Scott oomphs and rolls over onto Wallace. Wallace wriggles a little and Scott presses his face into Wallace’s neck.

“Ramona,” he sighs and Wallace rolls his eyes into the pillow. It’s not the strangest thing he’s been called in bed, but he’s not actually getting any so somehow it’s even more depressing.

“I am not Ramona, Scott,” he says, but Scott is like an immovable log. Wallace goes as limp as he can underneath Scott, and wiggles until he’s not being crushed by a hundred thirty pounds of idiot. He can already tell he’s going to have a monster hangover in the morning and he doesn’t want to have to shove off Scott before running to the toilet.

 

3\. Scott wakes up to the door slamming open and blinks in the darkness. He can vaguely see the outline of two figures – Wallace and someone else – making out against the door, moonlight streaming in to provide just enough visibility.

“Um,” Scott says blankly. “Wallace?”

Wallace doesn’t seem to hear him. He kicks the door shut behind him and Scott winces as he listens to the wet noises and soft gasps. “Wallace!” he says, louder.

The two guys fall onto the bed next to Scott and Scott leaps up. “Okay!” he says. They don’t notice him at all. Wallace doesn’t have a shirt on anymore. “I’m going to leave now! Have fun, be safe.” He grabs his jacket and decides to head across the street. Hopefully his sister will still be up and will take pity on him. She likes Wallace; she’ll probably be more than glad to enable his sex life.

 

4\. Wallace walks into the apartment, humming happily, and then stops dead. He reaches behind him and pulls the knife out of his back, dropping it to the floor with a clatter.

“What is this!” he shouts, startling Ramona and Scott. “Scott, you brought a lady to my bed?”

“Sorry?” Scott says, but he’s grinning hugely in the afterglow of what must have been pretty good sex. Wallace’s own afterglow turns black and shrivels before shrinking in on him.

Ramona rolls over and Wallace throws a hand over his eyes. “Boobs! I swore to myself I’d never see those again!”

Ramona chuckles. Wallace stares at his palm, not sure if it’s safe. “Sorry, Wallace.” There’s a rustling of sheets and then she says, “It’s safe, no girl boobies here.”

Wallace drops his hand to his side and says, “Thank God. I’m happy for you and all, Scott, but you are washing those sheets before I will use them again.”

“Will you make us breakfast?” Scott asks, smiling in that pleading way that usually gets him pity sex. “Please, Wallace, please?”

“Your afterglow has infringed on mine,” Wallace grumbles, but he obligingly breaks out the bacon and eggs. Ramona gives Wallace a vague smile and he purses his lips in an expression of mock disapproving. For a girl, she’s pretty okay.

 

5\. “Life sucks,” Scott moans dramatically, star-fishing out on the bed. “Everything sucks.”

Wallace collapses next to Scott. “I wish I could pretend that wasn’t true,” he says. “We don’t even have any bacon left.”

Scott rolls over and lets out a muffled shout of despair. Wallace rubs his back comfortingly. Scott makes a little purr noise and arches into Wallace’s hand.

“Can we cuddle?” Scott asks sadly and hopefully, rolling over a little.

“Sure,” Wallace says, and he curls up behind Scott. “I won’t even grope you this time.”

“I appreciate that,” Scott says, nestling his head against Wallace’s shoulder. “You are my favorite person in the world right now.”

“I know,” Wallace says smugly. “I’m just that awesome.”

Scott hums in acknowledgement. Everyone knows Wallace’s awesome rating is the highest in Toronto. It’s why people put up with Scott.

“Tomorrow,” Scott says after a few minutes, “we need to buy bacon.”

“We?” Wallace asks skeptically. He knows for a fact there is exactly $24.87 Canadian in Scott’s bank account, and that Scott is saving it for the next Final Fantasy Game.

“Okay,” Scott agrees, “ _you_ need to buy bacon.”

“You’re going to be my bitch forever,” Wallace reflects. They both nod simultaneously. It’s true. Stacey had once made a chart of how much Scott owed Wallace and Scott, given his current career trajectory, will never make enough to pay it off. Sad (for Scott), but true.

Wallace fully intends to make the most out of it.


End file.
